To Give and To Take
by ChasingRainbows90
Summary: Jac / Jonny fic. I'll update the summary when I post part two as it would probably give away the plot.
1. Chapter 1

**I've really got to sort out the fics I've already written but this one was started while I was sat in corporate induction (woo!) in order to keep myself awake / alert. This is sort of based on a true story - and is definitely one of the things that has really stuck with me. Hopefully this is ok and thank you to anyone who reads it. **

_20__th__ August 2013 _

"You alright Jonny-Mac?" Mo enquired softly, as her friend sat at the desk on Darwin yawning. There were bags under his eyes and something about him just seemed off. Jac sidled up to the pair, one hand resting on the bump which she was no longer able to disguise although she still made vague attempts at it; there was something about strangers thinking her baby was public property that annoyed her and so she tried to hide it.

"He's just being martyr" Jac answered on behalf of her partner, giving Mo a look that dared her to challenge this, "He's not the one, who can't sleep because it's too hot even though we have all of the windows open and fans going – and he's not the one losing their waist line due to an ever growing meconium producing foetus" Jac concluded which earned a small smile from Mo, who remembered how she had been feeling at 20 weeks pregnant and a frown from Jonny who was thinking about the sheer lack of sleep he was having.

"No he's the one who can't sleep because his girlfriend is snoring like my grandpa Jon after Christmas lunch and has the room at a temperature which would cause even polar bears to shiver; I'm surprised I haven't developed hypothermia" Jonny retorts, and Jac narrows her eyes in annoyance and what he has said, and for a moment she is glad that the only people around are the three of them.

"I do not snore" Her voice is low and Jonny can detect the warning notes within the words, but he is tired and grumpy and for those reasons they do not quite register as strongly as they normally would. He knows he should be sympathetic to Jac, and indeed he has been for the most part, but a part of him wishes people would give him a little more notice given the effects of Jac's hormone levels are affecting him as well.

"Do you want me to play the tape?" he asks, turning to look at her properly and he can see the anger which is drifting just beneath the surface. He notes that Mo has moved a little way, away from them as if she is doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

"You better not have recorded me Nurse Maconie" Jonny rolls his eyes at the comment, but a small smile plays on his lips and he raises an eyebrow at her.

"Sounds like you've just admitted there was something to record" is his response and he watches as the frustration dances across her face as she realises her mistake. She forces herself to think to come up with something that will stop him in his tracks before they attract an audience of more than Ms Effanga.

"You're on thin ice Maconie" she tells him, choosing not to acknowledge the comment he made and she sees the smile of satisfaction on his face as he assumes he's won this one.

"Well I'm not surprised given our house is like Siberia" he responds to her and he watches as her expression changes, how she shifts position a little. She closes her eyes for a second before she looks at him.

"Sounds like you don't want to come to scan later" She knows it's a low blow, that he has been talking for weeks about seeing the baby again. He's been trying to persuade her to let him sneak a look in with the portable ultrasound but she has resisted him, fearing that they would see something and misinterpret it. She also worries that too many scans could be damaging. She has relented with the sonicaid, letting him listening in to the baby in quiet moments; to hear the steady beating of its heart and though she would never admit it, she has used it on herself when alone in the office feeling comforted by the sound that confirmed that her baby was alright.

"Jac" there's a slight pleading to his tone, and she does feel for him. She has to turn away from the puppy dog eyes he is giving her, knowing they will cause any hint of annoyance to diffuse and will lead to the arrival of guilty tears. She is already convinced that the child is a daddy's girl – though as yet they do not know the gender.

"I'll think about letting you come" She answers, not turning back to him. Instead she walks away, rubbing at her bump with one hand and smiling at the thought of seeing her baby. She wants him there, and she's certain that she won't keep him from attending. For one thing she's nervous, she's nervous about what could be picked up at this scan and the potential problems. She knows she should have talked to him about it but he's been so excited that she hasn't wanted to spoil that. But a part of her is terrified, she can count the beats of her baby's heart and know they are within normal limits but she cannot know that everything is growing and developing as it should – not until today at least. She slips in side of her office, suddenly overcome with terror at the prospect of the scan. She tries to force herself to breathe normally but her own heart is hammering now, challenging the rate of the baby's but try as she might she cannot push away the feeling of terror that has settled over her.

Back at the desk, Jonny has turned his attention to Mo. His face is crestfallen at the idea of potentially not being able to see his baby again, to watch the miniature show that their little person will put on for them. He hopes the baby will play ball at let them know whether they are having a son or a daughter, he hopes he will get a precious new photo which he can upload to his facebook with a cute caption. He will upload it regardless but he wants something he can add something funny too, to imply the baby already has his personality.

"You don't really think she'll stop me see Boo do you?" Jonny sounds so forlorn at the prospect of missing out on seeing his child. Mo raises an eyebrow

"Boo?" She questions with a smile, she hadn't realised her future godchild had a nickname already "after the cartoon bear right?" she adds thinking of her friend's love of cartoons, despite the fact she thinks he is too old for them. Still at least Boo has a ready made DVD collection waiting for him or her.

"Guilty, I'm sure Jac's gonna kill me for using it one of these days" he says quietly "but at least I didn't go for the cliché of peanut. I tried to tell her I was being literary and it was from to Kill a Mockingbird but she said that Scout would have been more appropriate" he adds with a smile, knowing just how much clichés annoy Jac, though in some ways she may have been more open to that over Boo and he just couldn't bring himself to call the child Scout.

A call bell rings and Jonny looks up at the panel and sighs, it's a patient who has been giving the ward grief for days and he dreads having to answer it but still he goes with a sigh in Mo's direction while she flashes him a cheeky smile. He goes in the direction of the patient, and seeing his state, quickly grabs a receiver but unfortunately for Jonny he isn't quite quick enough and ends up getting vomited over by the patient – much to his disgust. He frowns, wondering how on earth his day can actually get worse now but he does his duty and sorts out the patient before he slips off to the locker room to strip off his soiled uniform and to replace them with the clean set he keeps there.

He pulls on his clean uniform and grumbles a little from the static shock he receives from it. Once he has it on he uses the alcohol hand gel in his pocket to sanitise his hands quickly, before he leaves the room to make his way to the dirty utility where he plans to wash his hands properly. He prefers the soap in that room, as for some reason it hasn't been updated to the new style which is in the other areas.

He walks slowly, not really paying attention to what he is doing. He sees Mo up ahead and a stray dynamap which has been left abandoned by the wall socket.

He doesn't even realise.

It takes a second for the reality to sink in.

He hears the scream from Mo

He looks down

His hand is alight

He tries to bat it away with the other hand

In horror he sees the flame jump across

And the screaming increases

He doesn't scream

He doesn't know how to react

And then it's gone

To fire is out

And he can't look at his hands

Or block out the scream.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hopefully this is ok :)**

"Jac" She hears the voice calling to her and hesitantly she opens her eyes, trying to compose herself enough but knowing the damage has already been done and she's been seen in this state. She sees him standing before her, Professor Hope, with a look of concern in his eyes and, as expected a food product in one hand.

"I'm ok" She manages to say in a shaky voice, hoping that it'll be enough to placate him. Instead she watches as he places down whatever food it is on his desk before he comes to a halt by her side, a slight frown on his face as he takes in her pale complex, the rate of her breathing and the terror in her eyes.

"You must think me a very silly man, if you expect me to believe that" he informs her, resting his hands on her desk. She gives him a small smile, feeling a little touched by his concern although part of her simply thinks he's moved on to her now that Oliver has left.

"I'm just being stupid" she tells him, resting a hand against her abdomen as she speaks. The feeling of terror seems determined to stick with her, and still she tries to force it away. She watches as Elliot moves away from her and she thinks that perhaps he has accepted that, that he sees it as just the hormonal imbalance of a pregnant woman. But instead he pulls his own desk chair back in her direction and he sits alongside her. He gives her a small smile.

"When Gina was pregnant with James, she used to worry about what she thought were the most stupid things and she'd try to pretend that everything was fine because she didn't want to make me worry" he thinks fondly of the life he lived with his wife, though he feels a pang of sadness and loss as he thinks of the life he now leads without her, "and she'd let all these little things, bubble away until they all got too much"

"I'm fine" Jac tells him again, though she knows that she is anything but. She has just about managed to regain control of her breathing but she could still feel her heart hammering in her chest. Elliot frowns a little.

"You've got your scan today haven't you?" He changes tact, and he watches as her expression changes as he had expected. If he had been speaking to the Scottish nurse, he would have expected the face to change to an expression of excitement and delight and while Jac tries to feign something resembling that, he can see through it.

"How d'you know that?" She asks, not even attempting to disguise the way her breathing has altered once more and the fact it causes her voice to waver. He smiles at her.

"I think most people in the hospital know" he answers, "that young man of yours has been talking about it for days now" he adds fondly, thinking of the nurses wonder at the idea of seeing his child once more. Jac rolls her eyes but there is something about it that drags a smile to her lips though only a small one. "I take it you're not so excited"

"Terrified" the word slips from her mouth, without conscious effort and she watches as Elliot nods a little, she turns and looks at her computer screen, afraid that if she looks at the professor any longer she'll end up in even more of a state.

"Because there's so many things they're looking for and you have absolutely no control over anything" He adds, knowingly. A small laugh escapes her lips and starts a little, concerned that perhaps this is some strange reaction she's having, "Jac?"

"Oh that idiot" She laughs again lightly, and though her heart still races she feels herself settle a little as she reads through what has flashed up on her computer screen. Elliot raises an eyebrow, "Jonny keeps sending me a list of baby things we need" she clarifies and Elliot smiles.

"Sounds like he's getting prepared" he's somewhat glad that the consultant has found someone like Jonny. While they've had their differences, he's been glad to see how the nurse has made her so much happier though she still maintains many of her barriers.

"Not really" She shakes her head slightly, "the list is mainly toys, and toys that he likes himself like some ride of zebra thing that he thinks looks fun but which I'm trying to convince him the baby won't grow in to for a long while yet and which he's much too big to try" it amuses her that he is compiling such a list, adding to it when he sees television adverts he likes the look of or because he has walked passed Early Learning Centre and seen something in the window, or randomly found himself walking around Toys R Us despite having not actually been headed in that direction.

"So a second childhood for him then" Elliot answers with a smile, thinking that actually when his own children had been small, he'd quite enjoyed discovering the different things that their toys did even after they had been abandoned by the children. It was, his supposed, one of the benefits of fatherhood getting to rediscover at least a part of your youth and something that he presumed was equally true of being a grandparent.

"But not very practical" she sighs, "and even then there's still so much that can go wrong before this even needs a ride on zebra, or a glowworm nightlight thing" she says reading another item of the list. She can't help it, her mind just seems to settle on the negatives and even when they don't come she finds herself second guessing about what one is waiting around the corner. She wishes she could be like Jonny, enjoying the experience and looking forward to this future.

"You've come this far" is the answer she receives.

"Do you know something, I've not bought anything for this baby – because I think as soon as I buy something, something will go wrong like it's tempting fate" She doesn't look at the professors face, she is still scrutinising the list of things, "Jonny keeps trying to get me to buy little things, a pair of booties or a little hat but I just can't bring myself to do it – I keep saying when we get to the end of the first trimester, the first scan. The other day I said when we get through the anomaly – today – but I know I'll come up with another date, I'll push it off because even if things are good today it doesn't mean that something won't happen next week, or next month. It doesn't mean I'll hold my baby in my arms and carry him or her home" the words tumble out of her mouth. Elliot nods beside her.

"You need control and you no longer have that and it scares you" he confirms softly, and she nods, "have you talked to Jonny about this?" he questions though he already knows the answer. He can see she is slipping again, the way her breathing changes and the way he can see her pulse pulsating in her neck.

"He's so excited and I don't want to take that away from him" she whispers in response, though Elliot is certain there's more to it. She doesn't want to show anymore weakness than she has too. It surprises even him that she's talking openly now.

"He'd want to be there for you" Elliot informs her gently, "He can't help you, if he doesn't know" Jac turns to look at him, the older man suddenly seeming a lot wiser than he normal does. The door snaps open and a rather stressed looking nurse – who Elliot thinks is called Marina – though he isn't sure, she's one of a long line of bank nurses that seems to appear once and then never return. Sometimes he wonders if the bank girls blacklist Darwin from their availability because he so rarely sees the same one twice.

"Ms Naylor?" The woman speaks hesitantly, she's heard rumours about the consultant though she doesn't look quite as terrifying as she had expected. From the stories that circulated the bank you'd expect a fire breathing dragon.

"What?" Jac sounds harsher now though Elliot can still see the signs of her fear though somehow she has pushed passed them for the benefit of the newcomer. The nurse pauses.

"There's been an accident, nurse Maconie" The nurse speaks quietly, she could still hear the ringing of the registrar's screams in her ears though she had thankfully not seen the actual incident. She shakes her head a little at the thought of it, such a freak accident, Jac feels the terror build inside her, on the screen she can see the words Jonny has typed dancing before her, she can hear his voice reading the words "he well he there was fire and" she hears the words, just as the blackness overcomes her.


End file.
